The survival guide to:

Separating and Divorce – living under the same roof during the Coronavirus Lockdown

Many couples have either decided to separate or have separated but are still living under the same roof during this coronavirus lockdown.

I have written this blog to help you not just survive these unprecedented times but help you plan for the next steps of your separation. This period of time will pass and here is how to use the time usefully.

Day to day  – Plan a structure for your day

 With your partner make a plan for each day in advance – ensure you structure in some independent time for walking or other exercise.  If it is possible, create a space in the house which is just yours, it may be a whole room or the corner of a room. Arrange it with things that give you pleasure and consider it a retreat when things feel too difficult.

Create peace of mind – choose what you watch or listen too

 Many people are currently driven into anxiety by bad news, focusing on numbers, percentages, deaths. The mobile telephone scrolling, the pinging, the vibrating  will drive you mad.  Manage the time you spend on your phone wisely, look at websites that will help you rather than stress you.  Many of parents are concerned by their children’s screen time and want to limit it. Start by doing this yourself. Music, reading and cooking can be great ways to relax.

If you have children

Focus on making a co-parenting plan that could begin now but continue once you have physically separated. Divide the day into parent 1 with the children and then parent 2 with the children, discuss the activities each of you will do. You can divide the week-end time too.  See what works and what doesn’t and then this will help to inform your parenting plan as you discuss your separation.

Focus on helping your child/children feel more secure

 This is an anxious time for children, they can find it difficult to understand what is happening: “is there poison outside?” “how can I stop the germs?”. They may be worried about their parents and whether they will become ill. They may feel cut off from their friends and will have only a few people to share their worries with.  Ensure they have regular contact with their friends using media that is age appropriate. Use this time to focus on your children’s needs. CAFCASS have produced a really helpful guide for children and families HERE.

Prepare your finances

As part of the separation or divorce process it is likely that there will be a discussion regarding your future financial needs.  Your housing needs will be most important. Use this time to bring together your income and future expenditure. If you will be leaving the family home try to predict what your spending plan may look like when you move into your new home.

Think more carefully about how you respond to your partner

Kindness goes a long way, I have worked with some couples who have committed to say nice things to one another and show some kindness, this really does make a difference. A kindness response can be habit forming in the same way that a bickering response can also be habit forming. Look at your styles of communication, what might make a difference? Do you listen to each other and give each other time to respond before jumping in?

If you need some support during this time then do give me a ring, I am here to help.

Kim Crewe

Founder – Separation Options

Mobile – 07711 102461

Email – kim@separationoptions.co.uk

We often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally – Dalai Lama